Trust in the Lord

“It is extremely important for you to believe in yourselves

not only for what you are now but for what you have the power to become.

Trust in the Lord as He leads you along.

He has things for you to do that you won't know about now but that will unfold later.

If you stay close to Him, You will have some great adventures.

You will live in a time where instead of sometimes being fulfilled, many of them will actually be fulfilled. The Lord will unfold your future bit by bit.”  

-Elder Neal A. Maxwell

    

This last summer Preston ran the Teton Dam Marathon as a fundraiser for his internship with the Borgen Project. He performed incredibly, though he did not have adequate training to complete such a race, was not receiving near enough sleep and had a good ole' case of the shin splints the power of his mind helped is what got him to the finish line. Or maybe it was the endless supplies of chocolate milk ??

Both my mom and his parents came up to watch him. While together, my sweet father-in-law shared some neat insights and personal experiences with us. At one point he got really tender and said "I never expected to see my grandchildren, I'm not even supposed to be alive."

Up to this point I was still so unbelievably cranky and crabby about this whole pregnancy thing! Because (selfishly) it was taking time of my schooling, my summer and my sanity!! 

In this moment it hit me that this pregnancy is no accident- it's not even a 'whoops!'

Somehow this was all meant to happen. Sure this whole time it didn't seem conducive to our schedule and future plans. But there was a much bigger picture that I wasn't able to see if I just kept feeling so bad for myself. Why is it so easy to feel that way? I needed to look up and outward to understand God's purpose in this.

There was a moment right in the beginning of my pregnancy when I was in my state of tears and despair while Preston didn't even seem phased or upset. 

I cried "it's your internship that is ruined because of all of this!"

He calmly looked at me with the deepest love. He wouldn't even agree that it was ruined, he just said "Things are just happening sooner than expected, but this was part of the plan and the most important thing to us all along. We will just adjust and Let it Happen"

*Just as a side note: The time while I was on my mission, Preston was working so hard at school (working, 18 credits, starving college student) and on the roof (15 hour days rain, shine sleet, anything in between). At one point I asked why he was driving himself in the ground to work so hard! He stated simply that everything that he is doing is ultimately to prepare for our eternal family. So while this was inconvenient it was the master plan.

The experiences that I've had have created a deeper sympathy in my heart for those dealing with chronic illness and pain. Those 9 months seemed like they'd never end but that is nothing compared to the relentless pain that others have had to feel when faced with sometimes undiagnosed ailments and illnesses. My heart goes out to all of you who keep those brilliant smiles on your faces despite the pain and the unknown.

It has made me ponder the significance of each of our trials and heartaches and why they are a part of our mortal existence.

The following poem is from the book Charlie's Monument by Blaine M. Yorgason,

God,

before He sent his children to earth

gave each of them

a very carefully selected package

of problems.

These,

He promised, smiling,

are yours alone. No one

else may have the blessings

these problems will bring you.

And only you

have the special talents and abilities

that will be needed

to make these problems

your servants.

Now go down to your birth

and to your forgetfulness, know that

I love you beyond measure.

These problems that I give you

are a symbol of that love.

The monuments you make of your life,

with the help of your problems,

will be a symbol of your

love for me.

Your Father.

Elder Kim B. Clark spoke to us in a stake conference in Rexburg and shared these thoughts

"When the Savior was in the Garden of Gethsemane taking upon him all our infirmities the Savior saw us, personally, every single one. He experienced everything that stands in between us and eternal life. Eternal life is within reach for all of us. We can ALL feel his redeeming power in our lives. He went before us. Even with all the pain this the world. He can make everything right. There is nothing that can happen to us that He has not already overcome."

In the weeks following this journal account I had numerous other experiences that taught this principle further. The loss of a dear friend and fellow missionary, seeing how a mother's love is represented through taking her child to the doctor to get shots and attending a temple session. I felt and learned that in the beginning we developed a deep love and gratitude for our Savior as we learned everything that He would suffer for us so we could return home. We probably looked at Him with longing and sadness thinking of the pain that He would go through for us. He did it so that we wouldn't have to suffer our pains alone.

His love is so pure, enabling and redemptive.

We may not always understand God's ways but we can trust that He does love us and that He knows what is best. 

"If we approach life's adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead to times of greatest happiness."

-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Love is what we go through"

"Marriage is a gift from God to us,

the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to God."

These thoughts are from a journal entry dated March 2016

One day in my environmental health class were learning about teratogens and other causes for potential birth defects. I told a girl in my class how all this information became very personal to me now because I was 5 weeks pregnant. She excitedly gave her congratulations and then asked if I had felt sick at all. I almost scoffed and said, no, not at all! I feel so great! (I honestly have had no firsthand exposure to morning sickness and hardly knew it happened!) The class carried on and out of nowhere I didn't feel so good, I rushed to the bathroom and found myself vomiting in the toilet. How funny to know that was just the beginning of what would happen multiple times a day for multiple months ;)

I couldn't stand the smell of any food let be able to take the energy to prepare any sort of meal for my husband. This broke my heart. Upon returning to school I had this surreal vision of being the perfect wife and homemaker. Healthy meat-filled meals, all the chores done, a spotless clean apartment for when he turned from work.

I thought that was how our love would grow.

I thought perfect circumstances would yield the perfect foundation for a happy, healthy relationship. In my 'vision' this was the picturesque opportunity to show Preston how great of a wife I could be because by completely of all these 'checklist' items that would reveal my worth.

I was so humbled to learn how wrong I was, I had absolutely no idea JUST how much he truly LOVED me. He already loved me unconditionally. As he helped take care of me by doing the simplest things his love for me grew deeper than ever before. (I honestly did not clean a single dish for two whole months!) True love grows through caring for the well being of another.

Love grows through crisis, it is when we are incomplete and weak that we are able to grow and strengthen one another

That semester we had the blessing of President and Sister Bednar coming and speaking to the married couples. It was fascinating to hear them talk about how their personalities could not be more different but at the end of every discussion they are always able to come to an agreeance. They shared with us that

"Marriage requires work, it's not always roses and cupids. You just need to learn to love the work."

"You do not find the marriage you hope to have;

you create it. You create it from the differences of men and women. Why do we search for the perfect person? so that we can avoid hardness and heartache?

Opposition and trials were an inevitable part of life. It is designed that way so that we learn that we are not supposed to 'handle life' all alone. Preston has always taught me that relationships grow through crisis. We sometime wish we could put our most precious relationships in an incubator so they can grow in the safety of a perfectly regulated and controlled environment but ultimately that's not how they grow.

In this life we have the opportunity to learn to love each other as the Savior loves us, unconditionally despite our incredible and recurring weaknesses.

I'm very grateful for my mission president always sharing this valuable lesson with us, "Love is what we go through, True love is what we go through together."

"Be able to laugh, this is serious business but don't be so serious that it's not fun. Don't stress over the things that you cannot control. Laugh and Love. Don't waste your whole life waiting for happiness to come. Create it." -Elder David A. Bednar

"...the joy that awaits"

“We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father

sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father

won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.”

-Elder Joseph F. Wirthlin

The experiences of this post are a little overdue and a long time coming but I believe things are better recorded late than never. At this time of year I can't help but reflect on the thoughts and feelings I had this time last year.

January 2016 Preston and I returned to BYU-Idaho to start our first semester as a married couple. In the second week of the semester I realized a delay in a regular monthly event. I thought it was most likely stress with the start of a new semester but I somehow worked up the guts to go to the grocery store and buy that lovely stick to put my thoughts at ease so that I would be able to focus on my homework. 

As embarrassing as it sounds the instructions sounded a little complicated (so many things that could potentially go wrong weeing on a stick. ;) I didn't want to risk my pride by having to go back to the store for another one if I messed up this test. Therefore I humbly knelt down on my kitchen floor and said a prayer. My intent was to pray that I would be able to perform the test right, that it would read it accurately and that I could get back to peacefully working on my homework.

As my mouth opened my mind was filled with different words. I had the

feeling to pray to accept the outcome and to know that everything would be okay. I felt peaceful and calm and that God had blessed me in that moment to trust Him.

I finished the test and was ready to walk away and let the answer develop as it would.
My eyes wandered over to see and low and behold it was positive.

I was shocked and COMPLETELY distraught, I didn't want it to be real, I felt upset and anxious. I called Preston and my mother is utter despair and tears. Mainly because we had plans to go to Albania in the Fall for an internship and now that was out the window.

As I talked to my sweet mother she was tender and compassionate and listened to my concerns. Their was the deepest and most sincere joy in her reaction despite my despair. Now I understand the joy that she felt and how she probably dearly wished I could see that then, it would have saved on some tears.

In the days following that, amidst my worshiping of the porcelain throne morning sickness, this life change was a major struggle for me. I had a plan to finish my degree and travel the world helping people, how come this wasn't pleasing enough to the Lord?

I still stand back in amazement at the most promising and beautiful feelings of peace and happiness that were manifest to my heart and mind. Even so early on at the beginning of this adventure I KNEW this was the right thing for our family.
The following Sunday the spirit was so strong in our Relief society lesson that I was able to escape the cold, nasty winter/morning sickness afternoon and get a glimpse of the deep, immense joy that I would feel on a beautiful, warm autumn afternoon. Though I still felt miserable, lost and confused deep down I could feel that this would amount to the greatest joy we had yet experienced.

This is just one part of the plan, so much joy awaits. Eternity will be about learning, teaching, loving and serving but most importantly it will consist of the family.

My fears, though very prominent and real, were completely vanquished before my eyes. Learning the doctrine of the eternal family was my lifeline, it was still so easy to feel fear and selfishness but there was a power even deeper inside of me that I had yet to uncover.

"The highest and noblest work

in this life is that of a mother."

-President Russell M. Nelson

I know that Our Heavenly Father loves us all so much and this His greatest purpose is for us as His Children to have eternal joy. He knows the experiences that we need and He knows who we are meant to become. It is easy to disregard our potential and become complacent doing what's within our comfort zone but we are meant to become eternal beings full of joy and to inherit eternal life.

Abundantly Blessed

Being newly married has been such an amazing time of life!! I find myself pinching pennies like I never have before and trying to figure out how to incorporate my basically vegetarian diet into a meat lover’s ‘happy welcome home after a cold 14 hour day meal.’ It’s been amazing to see how fast the time has gone and how I truly treasure every minute with my best friend. But we have received many blessings and adventures beyond this because we have chosen to put Christ and His everlasting Gospel at the center of our home and marriage.

We were both amazed we received from the wedding and how many sweet people have given us so much love and support. Preston and I were both very overwhelmed with the amount of money and gifts we had received. We had counted and recorded the amount of money and set it aside. Up to this point I had been frantically searching for a job, checking every website and applying to every place I could to no avail yet. One day I had this huge list of things that I wanted to do and going to the bank was one of them. A thought came very quick and strong “Tithing” it literally made me stop everything I was doing, find our stache of money. I counted and divided what we would pay for tithing and placed it in our scriptures to give on Sunday and took the rest to the bank. 

Later that day feeling nearly to the point of desperation as the Burger King ‘Now Hiring’ sign flashed into view I grimaced a little. And then my phone rang. I answered to hear the happy familiar voice of a family member asking if I was still looking for a job in Logan. Turns out I was given one of the greatest opportunities for work. It was for some of the lovliest, finest people that I know. They were so good to me and so gracious to have me spend no time working when Preston was off work. I learned some great new skills that will come in handy right now and the rest of my life. This ended up being the greatest blessing and the best job I could have ever asked for.

The day that I got the phone call, Preston and I had already decided we would go to the temple that night. It was the first time attending as a married couple and what a sweet experience that was. That same night in our scripture study it was Preston’s turn to select one. He shared a scripture from the Book of Mormon that I recognize has always been a theme for him in his life.

“But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God, and after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good-to clothe the naked and to feed the hungry and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.”
–Jacob 2:18-19

He shared something with me that I had not realized up to that point. I had been doing everything I thought was good and necessary to receive a job. It was stressful, frantic, exhausting and I was getting nowhere. It wasn’t until I was exactly obedience and did what I knew was right that God was able to open up a multitude of blessings that He, the whole time, was just waiting to give us.

I always knew that tithing was a true principle and that I needed to live by it, but I became lazy doing it, even though I knew it to be true. I know that all blessing truly do come from God and He’s waiting and wanting to give them to us. I know that our Heavenly Father has so much love for us. We are His beloved Children. He loved us so much that He provided a Savior, Jesus Christ for us. Through Him I know we can find the source of ultimate peace. 

God's Timing: Adventures in Idaho

I have come to a point in my life where I feel I can no longer ever doubt the divine timing of our Heavenly Father. I know He is so aware of me and He always knows what’s best for me. He never misses a beat or goes on vacation. His whole work and His glory focus on the happiness and success of us as His children.

One Sunday back in May 2013 I had a meeting with the stake president to submit my mission papers. It was very exciting. Afterwards Preston and I were to drive down to Utah for Memorial weekend. Somewhere between Blackfoot and Pocatello the little white car made that dreadful blasting noise and within a moment we found ourselves pulled to the side of the road with a shot engine. Cars raced past on the highway as we lifted the hood trying to figure out what was wrong. It was a mystery but it was obvious that car wouldn’t drive again.

It was our original plan to arrive in Logan in time to attend a missionary farewell celebration. We called for help and they were hours away. We were grateful they were coming but we knew we would be missing the event and would spend several hours there on the highway. It all seemed a great misfortune- for we had a good goal to accomplish and we were met with this unlikely fate. 

To pass the time Preston and I read a beautiful conference talk together and discussed establishing peace within a home. We took a walk through the famous blackrock rugged terrain. We watched calmly as the set gracefully behind those hills. All the rushing around of classes and schoolwork, church duties and schedules was all left behind in Rexburg as we were enjoying our own sanctuary here. 

It started to rain, pour and storm right as help arrived. We loaded the dead car onto the trailer and climbed into the back of the truck and continued our journey. I don’t think I would realize the full impact of that trip until months later I was serving my mission in Oregon and thought fondly and sweetly back on that time I got to spend with Preston. It was one of the best memories yet with him.

Since returning home from the mission and being married to that wonderful man I had another opportunity to travel up to Rexburg to take engagement photos for some dear friends. We traveled to a beautiful spot up in the mountains with glorious golden fields, pines and aspen trees. It had snowed days earlier and still lingered on the dirt road up there. We got some great shots and soon the weather got bitterly colder so we headed back down. I was driving and truly not comfortable with the conditions of the road, we turned one corner going down.

 Instead of turning we ended up running the car right into a ditch against the ridge. One of the dear friends present was very skillful in getting cars out of crazy situations. But with only one of the two wheel drive tires touching the ground he explained we would need a truck to get this out. 

I regret to say I felt extremely frustrated and distressed, we thought of every idea we could and recalled the roommates second cousin or that kid in my science class that had a truck but with no true travail. It was very important to me to get the car out to know that it was okay, to get down to see my sister and then return home after a three hour drive still ahead to see my husband. In the moment of distress we knew the best thing to do would be to pray. After piling sticks and rocks and using all that super mom adrenaline to lift it, it was to no avail.

In the perfect moment I looked up in great surprise to see a F350 truck coming around the bend. I couldn’t believe my eyes. One glance the driver gathered our situation and pulled over kindly, reaching into the bed, pulled out a chain and exclaimed “now what are you all doing out here?” with a grin. Our dear new friend Rick might have felt we’d been stuck out there for days when we explained he was an answer to our prayers!! He was just out for a humble deer hunt in the middle of nowhere. In no time we were safely back on the road.

That last experience truly got me, it was an experience that helped me understand something I have been struggling with for years. It was a principle that I have both believed and taught but I have never quite developed a deep, abiding trust in it. I know now, very deeply within my soul that God hears and answers prayers. I’ve always felt timid to pray for answers or to ask for help because I’ve always felt like He’s so busy or He already has a plan or idea. I have learned that through both of these experiences that yes, He does have a plan. And that plan is calculated for our ultimate happiness. Preston and I would have been happy arriving at the celebration on time and would have had a wonderful experience there. But I believe Heavenly Father knew our situation very well and knew exactly the pain and grief we would go through in the coming months and years, we he gave us a very intimate, glorious memory together that helped us develop a pattern and attitude toward life together. An experience that became symbolic to us that we could use to get through some low times. God also had this plan that we get stuck and “after all we [could] do” help would come.

I know our Heavenly Father may ‘appear’ busy because He is doing these same exact things for every one of His children. I have no doubt that His whole work and His glory is to “Bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” –Moses 1:39 which means that we will be given experiences to help us grow and stretch to be able to become that glorious celestial being He has intended us to be.

He has a perfect plan with perfect timing.

Zion

Back in April my mom and I had the beautiful blessing of traveling to Kansas City, Missouri. While visiting Independence and the surrounding areas including Liberty, Far West and Adam-Ondi-Ahman we felt the power of ancient promises, the strength of the early stalwart members of the church and the duty we have as members of the church now to recall these people and events. And to live our lives in such a way to claim all the blessings established from the foundations of the world by our Loving Heavenly Father.

This question has often come to my mind since returning home from a mission:

"How can we have the same determination of the early saints?"

They were so willing to leave behind their homes, culture, language, professions, even relationships to face the foreboding brutality of an unknown horizon.

They were willing to do it because they knew the Gospel was true and they promised to give even their very lives for it. What was so significant about the Gospel?

I feel the beauty of the Gospel is captured as we look at the impact of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ from the very beginning of time to now. The first children of our Heavenly Father sent to earth, Adam and Eve, learned about the gracious gift of the Atonement while they were in the Garden of Eden. A transgression was made and there seemed to be no hope for resolution or to be clean again in Heavenly Father's presence. Despair and fear quickly set in. They were taught of a Savior that would be provided for them. His selfless act of taking upon all our sins and iniquities allows us the ability to repent, to be cleansed from sin and able to return back to our heavenly home.

I believe the early converts of the church felt the same heavenly relief as they each read from the Book of Mormon praying to receive a witness that it was true. No doubt that simple yet striking account of the Savior sunk deep into their very souls to provide clarity in contrast to the cloudiness of lost "plain and precious truths" through centuries of darkness.” They must have felt the purity of the doctrine and felt that heavenly light shine down and testify that there truly is a Savior. His atonement is meant to cleanse us and bring us back home. These elect souls were able to recognize the truth when it was presented to them. As the Light cracked through the darkness of hundreds and thousands of years, they did not shy away from it, rather they sought after it, were willing to give of all their earthly possessions to fully taste of the sweetness and cleansing of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

They chose to follow a prophet, a man called of God and given authority to govern the Lord’s kingdom on the earth. Joseph Smith was called to be that man. Many knew he was a prophet before even meeting him, from reading the Book of Mormon they came to know that this book was from God and was delivered through His divine instrument, a prophet. Through the devastating event at Haun’s mill we learn the importance of listening to a prophet’s voice. In this case timing was essential and it was the difference between life and death. We can see today how following the council of our prophet can save us from experiencing spiritual death and help us avoid exposing ourselves to the things that deeply damage our souls and our divine nature.

Liberty Jail

In Liberty Jail we learned of the irony of its name. This was the place where four 6ft tall men were crammed into a damp, cold, diseases infested dungeon while they heard the cries of their wives and children being kicked out of their homes. The Prophet Joseph’s humble prayer and experience are captured in the scriptural account in the Doctrine and Covenants where he cries to God and asks “Where is thy pavilion?” Though dark and bleak crying for the last strand of hope the most glorious revelations were unfolded to him. “Peace be unto thy soul, thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment” These are words that have been the soul assuring answer to prayer as they have turned to the scriptures for countless amounts of Heavenly Father’s children. He was there in Liberty Jail with those men and He is there with us in our darkest moments too. He has suffered all of these things; He is our dearest Friend who is sitting beside us in our bleakest most miserable moments. We need Him. We always need Him.

This place was the refiner’s fire for the most significant revelations but the most joyous times.

Far West was a consecrated and holy land where the people were commanded to lay the cornerstones for a temple that would be built there. The building did not take place in any of their lifetimes. This prophecy goes to show that our Heavenly Father’s promises are sure and even more significant and expansive than we can comprehend.

“Though we have rightly applauded our ancestors for their spiritual achievements (and do not and must not discount them now), those of us who prevail today will have done no small thing. The special spirits who have been reserved to live in this time of challenges and who overcome will one day be praised for their stamina by those who pulled handcarts.”
-Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Kansas City, Missouri Temple

They have left a legacy for us.

Now these fervent and valiant souls are rejoicing as they watch us fight the battles that we do every day! It is no small task and the subtle sneakiness of the adversary is penetrating even deeper into the hearts and homes of those who have tasted of the Gospel. To rejoice in the eternal realms with those who have gone before us into the eternities we need to cleanse our souls and become fortified to the evil influences that can so easily creep in.

We need to have the personal worthiness and preparation to be able to build our own little temple because there will be many when the Savior comes again. We never know when we will be asked or all that will be required. All we know is that we need to prepare our hearts to be willing to give anything that He asks of us. It could be our possessions, our time, our friends, social status, pride, and fears etc. All must be sacrificially given up if necessary to produce a bright and glorious whiteness; a holy place where the Spirit of the Lord may dwell.

 

Adam-Ondi-Ahman

Adam- Ondi- Ahman: a place of beginnings

The beauty of the grace of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that it is never too late to start. We have never gone too far, there is no where we can go where His infinite and loving touch cannot reach us. The best place to start is right now.

The translation of Adam-Ondi-Ahman is “where God walked with Adam”
That can be the goal for all of us today, to start living our lives in such a way that we can feel Him close. I know that “This life is the time for man to prepare to meet God” -Alma 34:32

It seems like forever but it really is such a short amount of time. He wants us to be happy and eternal happiness only comes through Him.